I’m not angry because we broke up, I’m sad because I can’t let you go. I’m happy because of the memories we made, I’m sad because I can’t stop reliving them in my mind. I’m not angry at you for not loving me, I’m angry with me for still loving you. I’m not angry that I lost you, I’m sad because I once had you. I’m not angry that I can’t have you, I’m sad because I know what I’m missing. I’m not angry that you won’t come back, I’m sad because I keep hoping you will.
You came into my life, and left a mark… Your place in my heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing your name pushes and pulls at me in a hundred ways, and when I try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to myself, words are useless. It pricks. It stings. It fucking hurts so much. I’m compelled to face yet another tomorrow. My world shut, my soul screamed, I love you. It felt so bad knowing that I want so much to scream out loud but I can’t. I have to remind myself that those days were gone. I’m forsaken aside, only to engulf and choke upon the dust you swept behind easily, so easily. I woke up to a resounding pain in my bones. To find myself stuck in the four walls built by my own insecurities, once again. It hurts so much to stay, but if I pull myself out now to seek recovery, the road to where I’ll be is too much of an unknown for me. Why did you not protect me when I needed you the most? Where are you? Where can I find myself deep inside your heart? Or was I never there? Were all your words falsifications? I keep thinking, till I can’t think anymore. I need a breather, but I lost my breath. The more I love, the gaunter I get.
You, the one who became a light in my dark life. So precious. A day passes, and another passes. We used to love, please don’t make me cry. To me, it’s only you. But I wont stop you from leaving. You might come back, because you might return, again today, I wait for you. You don’t know, you don’t know how much I’m hurting, as I smile. My unseemly promise to forget you makes me cry again. Can you hear me? The more I love, the gaunter I get. In the end, you turn away and you keep me away. I threw away my pride, and like a crazy girl in love, I followed you. But my heart urged me on and told me not to lose you, the only one in the world. I pretended to smile, I pretended to be fine.
This is the last.